rules for women about men.....

Thought I'd share with you a little humor I read from a forum. I thought it was pretty funny. Enjoy.

Stephen




"We always hear "the rules" from the female side Now here are the rules
from the male side. These are men-type rules!

Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's down, put it
up. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you
leaving it down.

1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can
find the perfect present yet again!

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of
it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not
work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar.
Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be
any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your
dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Check your oil! Please.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,
all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to
act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to
answer.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we
were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach,
for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no
idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading
ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's
wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you
don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss
such topics as nose hair, the 4-4-2 football formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some
war flick where it doesn't really matter what the hell they're saying
anyway.)

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together.
No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

1. Going & Haviing a Beer with a Buddy is as exciting for us as handbags are
for you.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like
camping.

1. I AM in shape. ROUND is a shape

 

heh all so troo =]

 

Amen to those words.

Now if every woman could bow down to those words the world would be a better place.

 

I guess the punchline was "when in doubt, see number 1"? /versus/images/icons/smile.gif

some others:

- "I'm just saying" is a secret codeword for "I'm just complaining/nagging". It's like an off switch for any guy's listening abilities.

- Just because we don't want to spend the next half hour going with you to pick up cocoa puffs doesn't mean we hate you.

- Please forgive our failure to share enthusiasm over plants, fish, or hair products.

- Why do you want to use the computer goddammit?! I don't ask to use your makeup kit.

- Men don't understand how a woman can complain about when we come to bed. You're asleep already, what the hell.

- Quake is not negotiable. It will never be at 1:00 in the afternoon and will never last just 45 minutes.

- Woman, pick one:
-2 or 3 VF gatherings for a total of 6-10 nights per year
-Weekly poker with buddies for a total of 50 nights a year
-Weekly pool league for a total of 40 nights a year
-Nightly binges at the bar for a total of 360ish nights a year

 

Haha Creed, you should have those published! Or do you? lol.

 

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,

I pull my hair out on this one. I mean it's as if they have a stenographer on standby or some shit. Oh and boys?.... there is no limit to what she can remember so be very fucking careful of agreeing to things or saying stuff just to get her off your back. I swear to you in her court of law it IS admissible as evidence against you.

 

some lies from women.............

some more rants I found..

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"I didn't do anything over the weekend.."
Lie. This translates into "I got drunk and had lots of sex that I regret having now that I'm sober, but I'd rather not sound like a slut, so I'll give you the false impression that I live a modest life sitting at home and reading over my weekends, so you'll have to find out what I really did from people talking behind my back." This is probably closer to the truth than most people think. And don't mail me some politically correct rant saying "well not every girl is like that blah blah blah..." I know that not every girl is like that. Nobody cares.


I've only kissed one guy..."
Lie. No girl has only kissed one guy. Any girl that says she has kissed only one guy is either too young to have kissed more, or a damned liar.


"Looks don't matter to me.."
Lie. Looks don't matter, MY ASS. Looks matter. Any girl that says "looks don't matter" is in denial. Proof? The good looking jerks that treat women like shit always get the women.



"I want to find a guy that's sensitive.."
Lie. This one's a whopper. Girls don't want sensitive guys, nay, when it comes down to it all they really want is sex. Most of them are no better than the assholes they sleep with. Sure.. they want sensitivity.. ass slapping, hair pulling sensitivity. What girl in their right mind would willingly sleep with a total jerk? Are all these girls being raped? Or are they really just horny? They want sensitivity.. or at least, that's what they'll have you believing, with their warm smiles and good looks. Just once, I'd like to meet a good looking girl that's not in denial, and that won't put on an integrity show, and that will just come out and admit that she's been pounded more times than any nail in the floor she stands on, like the whore that she is. At least then I'd respect her for being honest. It's so transparent to me what's going on. They fritter their lives away having sex every day of the week, and then go to church on sunday and think they're clean again. They're only fooling themselves. It's probably the only way they can live with their conscience (or lack thereof).



"I just broke up with my boyfriend, so I'm not going to date for a while"
Lie. I hear this one a lot. They say it to sound like they're not whores going from one guy immediately to the next, but come the first good looking jerk with slick hair and a nice car, and she'll be in bed with him faster than she can contract his STDs.



"I like to have fun.."
Lie. Some girls I've talked to have been so shallow, that when asked what they like to do, she'll simply say "I like to have fun.." No shit? I thought you liked being bored like the rest of us. What the hell kind of answer is "I like to have fun.." Who doesn't like to have fun? Upon further probing for what they like to do, they'll say "well.. uhhh.. I like to swim, and go hiking, and uhh.. I like to just hang out with friends.. uhhh.. I like to see movies.. uhhh..." Okay, she likes to see movies. Potential for a conversation. So, I'll ask them what movies they like, and with out fail, they always say "oh.. uhh... I like all movies.." No, dipshit, you don't like all movies. Nobody does. What movies do you like? "uhh.. I like romantic movies mostly.." (I don't really say dipshit.. I'm usually very mannered around women.. not that it matters, since they only want a rich guy to screw). My fault on that one, I should have known. Upon further interrogating (at least it seems like interrogation, since they have nothing to say about anything that matters outside of their microcosm of existence), they tell me that they like music, "all kinds" of music, of course. This is all torture to me. Why the hell should I waste my time with someone so damn boring?


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"I like guys with a sense of humor.."
Lie. I consider myself to have a sense of humor. Anyone that comes to this site and leaves without being offended has to have a sense of humor (or a really low attention span). Most of the girls that say this usually mean to say "I'm a giddy little girl that laughs at everything regardless of how everything I laugh at is painfully not funny." The elusive "guys with a sense of humor" they talk about are jerks that treat them like shit so often, that they have no choice but to think that it's funny so they can live with themselves for dating them. Pathetic.

 

Re: some lies from women.............

for those who are interested, the above compilation is from the ultimate net author alive - MADDOX!

 

Re: some lies from women.............

His site is awesome. I hoped that link on another thread I put.

 

Thanks for the link!

I havent had a good laugh like that in quite some time.
/versus/images/icons/laugh.gif His rants rule.