The jokes thread

If you have any jokes please feel free to add some but no sick jokes please. What did the bannana say to the vibrator? I dunno what your shaking for she's gonna eat me.

 

What do you call a man with 3 eyes?
Semore.

3 woman die and go to heaven, before they reach the gates, a man appears and says, "if you want to enter you have to anwser a question each" the woman says ok then.
The man says to the 1st woman, "what was the 1st man on earth called?". hmm says the woman "was it adam?" correct you can go in.
He asks the 2nd woman,"what was the 1st woman on earth called?"
She anwsers "Eve" "correct says the man you can go in".
He asks the 3rd woman "what was the 1st thing Eve said to Adam?"
The woman says "mm thats a hard one" The man says correct your in.

 

(street fighter I find funny for some reason)

I'll post more later maybe

 

LOL~

 

LOLOL

Ok I'm not posting anymore jokes God, I've been in here long enough!

 

One day a couple of explorers visiting Africa went out on a safari and hired a small group of locals to carry their supplies while they hunted.
As the explorers walked through the jungle having a great time, the small group of locals behind them were carrying their heavy supplies and sweating profusely.
Two of the locals at the very end of the group started to chat about how great it must be to be white, have money, visit other countries and have others carry your stuff while hunting.
Then one of the two locals says "Man, I wish I was white." All of a sudden a shaman appears in a small burst of smoke behind them.
The two locals at the end hear the shaman and turn around while the rest of the group unaware keeps on walking ahead.
The shaman then says "Hey you two, I can make your wishes come true! Just give me what you're carrying on your back and I'll give a magic bar of soap that will wash away the black!"
The two local men agree and the shaman hands them a bar of green soap, gathers up all of the supplies and disappears in another burst of smoke along with the supplies.

The two men excitedly look at each other and then start running down to the nearest river. They both jump in the river and the first local who's holding the bar of soap starts scrubbing his body with it.
The second local looks at him in disbelief as the bar of soap magically starts turning his African friend's skin from black to white. "It's working! It's really working!" he yells.
The first local using the bar of soap finishes and has transformed from a black man into a white man.
The second local says "My God, Kareem! You are a white man now! Pass me that magic bar of soap, brother!"
The first local replies:
"Get away from me, NEGRO!"

 

lmafo thanx to everone who submitted thers some whoppers there.

paddy and murhpy walking down the street. Paddy sees a mirror on the pavement, paddy picks it up and says, "he looks very familire" Murphy says, "pass it over" so paddy gives him the mirror and murphy says "its me you plonker".

what did the dog say when he sat on some sandpaper?
ROUGH!

What do u call a man who sits on your steps?
matt

paddy goes into a libray and asks for fish and chips. the assistant says "sorry sir but this is a libray"
Paddy then whispers can i have a bag of fish and chips plaese.